Dear Bro,

This one's a little different. This is for you, my boy.

It's more about character and decisions than it is about characteristics and attributes. Kind of the way God tends to view us; He judges us based on what's inside, not like man judging us based on what's on the outside.

Anyhow, I ran into these guys off the coast and we made good friends with them until everything went wrong. (I'll be up front with you: it was probably my fault. But I think they just didn't have the ability to see what I was trying to give them. And that's why I'm giving it to you in this letter.)

We started talking about life and "the bro code." And I mean, it was nostalgia being around that, having that sort of code and talk. About how men are less complicated, we don't really think too much, and things are always what they are. We laughed about things like men don't buy each other gifts on birthdays. I laughed and said I'm not sure when everyone of my homeboys' birthdays are. Not that I'm careless, I just never put stock in that.

Anyhow, it was going great until the small one made a toast and right before he drank, he said: "Bros before hoes."

Now, as I've grown I've become one to say what I mean and mean what I say. It's gotten me more of what I want and less of what I don't. Sure, as you'll see, it means I lose people often. But Nipsey Hussle once said he'd rather be at war with the world and at peace with himself then it be the other way around. And I resonated with that.

Anyhow, I didn't raise my coconut up.

They looked at me weird. And in came the questioning and side eyes.

I told them exactly what I'm about to tell you.

If I had to choose the bros or my fiancée, I'm choosing her every time.

(They about slit my throat.)

But here was my reasoning.

As I've been on this journey, I've had the privilege of being around some pretty successful individuals. And the biggest lesson? "Who you allow in your inner circle has the biggest impact on your level of success because they have your ear and influence you the most."

See, successful people do what's called masterminds. It's essentially brains coming together to help with ideas and beliefs to better and more efficiently achieve a common goal. It's like someone giving you a helping hand, only it's brain power and resources. And the more successful they are, the more common the mastermind is.

And you want to know something? The most important mastermind is the one a man has with his wife (or the other way around for you ladies).

Why?

Because this is the person that is with you 24/7. At night in bed. On the phone. When you are stressed and when you are happy. During your work and during the times you play and relax.

Now imagine this: this person who has the most access to you 24/7 — their words create life or death in your success, whether you want to believe it or not.

If you're down, her (or his) words can either encourage you or kick you. When you are inspired, they can either push or pull. And when you are at peace, need advice, confused, scared — they've got more than any other human the ability to impact what happens next.

And your friends? Still your friends. But as you get older, you realize you see them less. And when you do, it's usually for leisure.

Ok so you have a question: what happens when your partner isn't helping you?

Well, here's the part you won't like.

Many of us quote scripture that a woman serves her husband. But here's what it says first: "A man should first serve his wife so she can serve him." It also says she is his helper. And we know famously: one man can do 1,000, but two can do 10,000. It's partnership.

This is a special way to say: You first speak life into them and you set the stage for how things are to be. You serve her and speak life into her first so she understands how to speak life into you. If you are reading this you are the leader, sadly a draining partnership sits at the gate of your level of patience, consistency, and leadership.

So when those guys said "bros before hoes," I didn't raise my glass because i’m not driven by outdated beliefs created to divide men and women stemming from people too immature to acknowledge their pain long enough to heal:

My Fiancé is the other half of my mastermind. She's my partner. She's the one with 24/7 access to my heart, my mind, and my future.

My bros are still my bros. But they're not building my life with me every single day. She is.

And if I have to choose between keeping the peace with guys I see a few times a year or protecting the partnership that determines my entire trajectory?

I'm choosing her. Every time. (AND YOU SHOULD TOO).

Not because I don't love my boys. But because I understand the assignment.

The partner you choose is the most important decision you'll ever make. Not just because they look good or because you love them. But because selfishly they have more influence over your success, your peace, and your purpose than anyone else ever will. (yes, including family and parents)

So choose wisely. Serve her well. Speak life into her. And watch what happens when two men slay 10,000.

— Earl

ps: Read between the lines(Honestly I'm not convinced you can have a successful relationship without the love and presence of your friends). I’m saying as we mature we cant continue to do childish things. As for me, I want my friends to tell me “no bro I’ll have to pass I need to attend to my marriage”. Not because they are whipped but because they want a partner at home and a bright future. And because I love them so much; I want them in a home of peace and prosperity too. I’ve got friends that I miss often, I miss the times we had, being youthful yet the distance isn't anger its GROWTH and for that I’m proud. One if my friends is living out his dreams coaching D1 college Football(Brian). I’ve got another friend running numbers up the corporate ladder in a way that I think surprises him(Denzel). As much as I miss them, I wouldn't allow a minute extra taken on lunch break to talk if it meant jeopardizing their futures. Why? Cause in some ways I want your success for you more than you do. Friends are our first chosen family, and like family even if I see you less, I’ll never love you less!!