Dear Family,

I'm writing to tell you I've finally worked up the courage to cross my Jordan River. After countless nights studying the book of Joshua, I found it best to be "strong and courageous" when walking by faith. I'm not sure why it's taken nearly a decade into my journey to realize that fear is only an emotion. Maybe, like all things, the timing belongs to God — not us.

I won't bore you with a speech from my future self. Instead, I want to talk about a breadcrumb I've laid here for you — one I'm still feasting on myself.

For most of my life, I understood two emotions: happy and angry. And because we are similar, I know that you've tried to build relationships while remaining a stranger to yourself.

For me, that looked like two versions of Earl. One was happy. The other was not. I was either 0 or 100. Hot or cold. And culture told me, "That's just who you are. Take it or leave it." But the truth? I wasn't afraid of the middle because I couldn't live there. I was afraid because without the extremes… I didn't know who I was.

Imagine my face when I realized I'd been going to my extremes for advice. For motivation. For clarity. They dictated my work, my relationships, even how I felt about myself. I was riding shotgun in my own emotional roller coaster — up and down, left and right — getting whiplash from a ride I never agreed to be on.

Can you relate to this? One day you feel like you can conquer the world. The next, you feel the world has conquered you. And naturally we ask, why?

Most times? It's just life. Money issues? Same Bro. Friends disappoint you? Same Bro. Business deal falls through? Same Bro. Bad news? Same Bro. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Same Bro. Just Pissed from watching all the people who look like they've got it all together — same, bro. Same.

Your problems may be different. Your story may look different. But the God we serve is the Same Bro. If he can deliver them to freedom than he can deliver us. (whats that saying the church elders used to say? ) “well If God is blessing my neighbor, He must be in my neighborhood”. yeah that one.

Emotions are real. There's no denying them. The issue isn't their existence. It's the power we give them. Family, if we're climbing toward freedom, the first step is deciding who we want to be — and letting that identity become the North Star, not our feelings. And that changes everything.

Because you begin to acknowledge your emotions — instead of being a slave to them. Did you catch that? I said acknowledge, not control. Right now, control isn't the goal. Before we decide how we want to feel, we must first get comfortable admitting how we actually feel. (Sure, changing them is real — but we'll save that for another letter.)

It looks like this: You wake up angry, sad, anxious, off — and you say, even out loud, "Hmm. I don't feel fully myself today." Or the opposite. You wake up energized and clear and say, "Wow. I feel amazing today."

This simple acknowledgment does two things. First (and most important) it puts you back in the driver's seat. Because when you know better, you do better. Second, it slows the roller coaster. The more you practice it, the less violent the ride becomes.

For me, over time, I've learned to check my state of mind before I make decisions. If I'm not in a healthy space, I stay quiet. I hold off. I delay the text. I delay the reaction. I delay the decision. Because I've learned that one emotional moment can undo days, weeks (sometimes years) of building.

And here's the part that humbled me: If I don't have the option to wait, I choose what future Earl would want — not what angry, pouting Earl wants in that moment. And if I'm too happy? I hold off then, too. Because excitement will make me promise things today that level headed Earl tomorrow won't keep.

And every broken promise costs something. It costs my word as a man. It costs my character. It costs trust with others. And maybe worst of all — it costs trust with myself. And if you're going to break free, you have to trust yourself.

But let's paint the picture so it makes sense to you: say, someone disrespects you. They call you out of your name. Look at you sideways. Boss talks down to you. Racism shows up. If you can't acknowledge how those things make you feel, you can't protect yourself from them. So what do we do? We fire back. We swing. We react. All in an attempt to defend ourselves — and in the process we damage the very growth we say we want.

Emotional checking forces you to notice the exact moment your emotions became controlled by someone else's actions. And once someone else controls your emotions… you're no longer in control. Thus, they ultimately control and determine the fate of your life. Yeah, thats why we are too familiar with stories of someone’s “one bad decision” or crash out causing them life disrupting consequences”. I’ve experienced and I’ve witnessed it. It’s a disconnect with your emotions.

Ok, so whats the solution? Well I’m going to be honest with you, picture we are back in the living room just chatting like families do. Lean in.

Have you ever watched a movie, or scrolled social media, and seen people argue (heated) and five minutes later they're hugging? I used to think that was weird.

I've sat with my fiancé and her family and watched them go back and forth. The first few times, I was ready to grab my coat and head for the door. Because I know how that story ends where I come from. Heated voices mean broken relationships. Fists. Pride. Silence that lasts for years. But to my surprise, I watched something different. Voices lowered. Apologies were exchanged. Laughter returned. And I thought… hmm.

Because the night before, at the restaurant I was serving at, I watched two brothers fight (like for real fight) over a disagreement. Brothers. And it hit me.

How many relationships could we have saved if we understood that anger (just like happiness) is only an emotion? Feeling embarrassed doesn't mean burn the house down. Feeling disrespected doesn't mean destroy everything. Getting your feelings hurt doesn't mean someone has to pay. Sometimes it simply means saying, "I didn't like how that made me feel."

And I've witnessed something powerful when that's expressed correctly — it draws people closer instead of tearing them apart.

It's taken me a long time to learn how to be angry and still love. It's taken me until now to argue with my beautiful fiancé and, within a few hours (I'm still a work in progress), say, "Hey, I'm sorry. I meant this." Or, "That made me angry." For a long time I thought communicating my emotions made me weak. Both when they were good… and when they weren't.

But you know what it's done for me? It's gotten me more of what makes me happy — and less of what doesn't. And that's not weakness. That's FREEDOM.

Ok thats all for now.

I hope this made sense. You know how I get — I tend to ramble, and if you let me, I'll go on. So I'll just end by saying I love you, and I'm praying for your journey on emotional intelligence. Let's shelf this conversation on emotions — there's more to come.

TTYL. Say hi to the family for me.

— Earl

P.S. I've been digging through old paperwork. Found some receipts I'm embarrassed to share, but I promised to leave breadcrumbs. Next letter's about that car.